“Wa pa jud ka nabuntis???”
Oh, those sly five words and three question marks!
35 years old, married but no children
I have heard that question a thousand times since I got married at 26. From neighbors and relatives, down to my in-laws, and even my own parents. Apparently at my age, having children of my own is expected of me. At this age, they’re even expecting me to have had a teenager too!
Well, how do they want me to answer that question exactly? Let me see…
Should I tell them without restraint that I tried stacking pillows under my back after sex and slept like a corpse the whole night as they asked me to, but did not work? Or that I also tried raising my feet against the wall for more than two hours, only to live through with muscle pains the whole week?
And oh, don’t even get me started with my in-laws implying that their family has no reproduction problems like I am the one to blame!
With all these taunting thoughts I have in mind, sometimes I couldn’t help but think about keeping a copy of my test results wherever I go so when somebody throws me that question. Maybe, I could even show them a receipt my husband and I are definitely capable and well-able.
Every so often, that question honestly appears to be a mockery, like an insinuation that I have a substandard uterus or some egg cell issues. Yet despite their best intentions, I think people all need to stop asking that question to women like me.
In God’s Time
Having been asked the same question over and over again for almost a decade, I actually and eventually mastered the perfect response — “In God’s time.” This answer has a proven ability to stop their CSI levels of cross-examination based on my personal experience. But, when is God’s time exactly? Is having children even a part of His plan for me?
The Road to Acceptance
While I couldn’t get used to people asking me those sly five words and three question marks over time, I have learned to accept things as they are.
Just because I am not yet a mother or might not even be a mother does not mean my life is incomplete. We are our own, and we do not need anyone- not our moms, not our husbands, not our children, to be complete.
It is also a common misconception to think having a child would make us happier in life. While I always wanted to have one, I’ve also acknowledged that happiness is not having what we want, rather, it is appreciating what we have.
And I have also learned to accept that I may never get the chance to be a mother, although I remain hopeful. I am content with what I have right now because I know God has so many plans for me still, even if motherhood might not be a part of it.
To you, strong woman who has been through the same, you are not alone. Let us keep our faith, enjoy life as it is, and watch God’s plans unfold along the way.