I don’t expect most people to understand that I have body image issues. 

I am conventionally the “right size,” can still fit in the “skinny” category, AND I’ve kept myself busy and made a profit by making works of art of myself — my solid, physical self. But one’s self-image and sense of identity don’t stop there.

Every day, I look in the mirror and wish my spine wasn’t crooked. I was diagnosed with severe idiopathic scoliosis in 2015 and since then I never stopped noticing the imperfection that it is. I’ve tried fitting on a bikini and despised having disproportionate curves. When the lighting hits the right angles to make a perfect curve on one side of my torso, nothing can ruin my day. I hesitate to be vocal about this insecurity because I’ve had moments where it might be interpreted as a hint of seeking validation  But when they validate me, it doesn’t exactly make me feel any better. 

Now, I advocate for raising awareness on scoliosis. I’ve spoken in front of crowds with the desire to positively influence those affected by it. Still, there’s something that continuously plagues my mind with negative thoughts There are days when I think that a perfect body is one with symmetrical and proportional curves. But with constant reflection, that’s when it occurred to me that what’s holding me back and was my mind’s greatest enemy was just myself.  

The media dictates what becomes ideal for society, and contributes to this pressure of looking good all the time. And this is not to say we deserve punishment for wanting to conform to the standards it sets. It’s inevitable to just want to function according to how our society operates. But today, let me remind you, and every young girl this:

Every time you look in the mirror, look past your form and shape and see through your eyes how beautiful the world beneath there is. When you paint your lips a tint of pink, remember that it is a vessel that carries messages that may make or break someone, because there is power when you move them. 

And when you look at what seems imperfect, remember that you are a world of your own and only you can dictate what you believe in. Believe you are already perfect, and remember what that vessel is capable of — replication, growth, and healing.