I’m writing about something I have a hard time dealing with — a unique journey that is everything but linear. I say this because it feels so easy on most days, but sometimes it feels like I’m back at square one where self-love is just an afterthought.
I’m talking about self-forgiveness — something I’ve struggled with for most of my life. My emotions always come in waves, and honestly, it’s always just been way too erratic for my liking.
On some days, self-forgiveness is a familiar face; a regular customer at the daily grind because of the issues I can approach head-on. However, it’s not always a smooth day at the office. There are personal mistakes that I still beat myself up for — usually leaving me incapable of actually solving the problem.
Ever felt like the world has already moved on from the mistake you did while you’re still stuck in a limbo of destructive thoughts and insecurities?
Why is forgiveness hard to covet? And when should it come from yourself?
I guess self-forgiveness isn’t just about forgetting what happened in the past. To forget something is to put unresolved emotions on the back burner; out of sight, sure, but ready to pounce on you when you’re at your most vulnerable. Sort of like the monster under the bed that you keep telling yourself isn’t real… even though you constantly glance sideways, expecting it to come out.
However, self-forgiveness isn’t about denying the monster under the bed — it’s actually looking under the bed, and recognizing that you created that monster.
It’s scary to think about it — futile, even. But it’s actually the first step towards healing. I know it’s easier said than done, but nothing good comes out of wallowing in self-condemnation either. It steals the joy from you, and the people around you. It’s better to face that creature than to have it eat away everything good in your life.
We can always use guilt as a wake-up call from mistakes, but it should never be the emotion that fuels us into taking action. It’s only going to make us sad, anxious, and careless. Take notes from the cliché and take a few steps back to look at the entire picture. You made a mistake? Okay. Accept that and recognize that we are all flawed. As much as we err, we’re also capable of doing something about it.
On the road to self-forgiveness, I think it’s better to operate with a sense of responsibility rather than guilt. The former opens a path with a purpose, while the latter feels more like being chained to a big metal ball at the ankle — mobile, but heavy. So very heavy.
Self-forgiveness isn’t at all like receiving the gold medal at the end of a competition, but rather a daily, practiced routine with its own ups and downs.
To work on forgiving ourselves for something that we did in the past allows us to communicate openly — freeing us from being suffocated by our self-imposed penalties and making room to make better choices. After all, wouldn’t it be better to face life with a lighter heart?
Self-forgiveness is quite a journey. Nothing is linear or arranged, or truly chronological — and that’s okay. On some days, you might think you don’t deserve kindness at all, but remember that that cynical voice is just in your head. Tune it out and listen around you. We get too deep in our own minds that we fail to notice that the world is revolving just fine; the people who matter in your life still love you, and a few mistakes don’t make you the worst person in the world.
A lot of people are rooting for you. It’s tough to fight with our own thoughts sometimes, but a lot of people know exactly how you feel. So, be kinder to yourself.
Along the way, I personally learned that practicing self-forgiveness is tough, but it’s something that we all need to work on. There are ups and downs, but one thing to remember is to not get discouraged because it’s all part of the process. Self-love isn’t perfected overnight; it’s a slow, steady climb that involves listening to yourself, dealing with emotions patiently, and eventually facing the monster under the bed. Who knows, it may not be that scary. Maybe it just wants to talk, or maybe it just wants a hug.
We all need self-forgiveness, and all we have to do is work on it. We deserve it.