A scroll through Joymie Arnaiz’s Instagram feed reveals a lot about her fashion sensibilities. Behind the dreamy photos is her husband who often takes them for her.
It’s a match made in aesthetic heaven, yet the couple—especially Joymie herself—face some criticism about getting to their age with no kids in sight (yet).
Joymie tells all to g.spot about these comments and how she really feels about them.
g.spot: What is your experience like as a woman who is child-free?
JOYMIE: It’s a luxury for me. I get to actually sleep at least eight hours a day, and I also get to work on my dreams. I get to focus on my career and my interpersonal relationship with my husband, so I think I was not given any limit as to what I wanted to do. I get to travel, I get to eat whatever I want to eat, and go wherever I want to go.
g.spot: When did you know you want to be child-free?
JOYMIE: Okay so honestly I was into this perception that I need to follow a pattern, like, I have to find a man, get married, and have children. I actually thought of having a child when I was one or two years into my marriage but unfortunately, it didn’t happen.
We’re normal, my husband and I—we went to the OB and everything is fine, but a baby never came. At that time a lot of my friends told us to get IVF or IUI, get insemination, but we decided not to. We decided to focus on ourselves and our relationships and focus on our careers.
g.spot: What are your personal reasons for being child-free?
I think because it didn’t happen when we would have wanted to, we just accepted the fact that when it comes, it comes. If not, then if not then we’re still complete as a couple.
JOYMIE: We decided to probably wait or maybe have no children at all. It’s just like freedom for us to do whatever we want and it’s for our personal wellbeing as well. Just work on ourselves and work on the things we want to do in life.
g.spot: A lot the pressure to have children stems from family or partners but there are also mothers who pressure on other women to have children. What do you have to say to those women?
JOYMIE: For those women who are experiencing the same bias as what I’m experiencing right now, I think you should you know… just don’t listen to people who actually have that kind of bias and don’t know the boundaries, and don’t respect those boundaries.
Just be yourself, just accept what you want to be and just enjoy life. You know, when people see you enjoy, it’s either they’re happy for you or jealous of you because you are child-free or something.
g.spot: What were some of the reactions that you’ve heard when you say you don’t have kids?
JOYMIE: Some people would tell me, like, either “You’re selfish, or “You’re immature,” or they will ask you, “Who will take care of you when you grow old? You don’t have any children and you can’t count on your family to take care of you.” It’s really not a guarantee that if you have a child, someone will take care of you when you’re old.
It’s just your choice and I think it’s not being selfish because when you say selfish, it’s also selfish when you want to have a child because you want someone to take care of you. I think it’s the same kind of selfish when people try to push you to do things like IVF or “[…] insemination like your friend did, now they have kids at your age.”
So really, it’s something that is very sensitive for women because not all women actually want that and not all women are bound to be mothers.
g.spot: What is your message of encouragement to women and women-allies?
JOYMIE: Just don’t put pressure on yourself , be what you want to be, and enjoy life. Life is just so short and if you think you can handle motherhood and if you think that your calling is different then go for it. Live the life you want to live.