I Came Out of the Closet to My Mom (And It Was the Best Thing I’ve Ever Done in My Life)

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Martie de Castro reflects on revealing her sexuality and how it helped her discover the true epitome of love.

There is bravery in writing. And, I’m here to tell you my story like I never did (in the best way I know how—writing)

I’ve never had a girlfriend before.

That is what I secretly told myself when I met my girlfriend three years ago. If you come to think about it, everything else about our relationship was actually an absolute secret. 

While you can say we enjoy our privacy that’s why we don’t usually put ourselves out there (especially on social media), there’s this faint whisper telling me:

Don’t come out, it’s a dangerous thing to do. The world won’t understand anyway.

I Grew Up As An Ally

As always, I’ve been loud and proud at telling everyone how my best friend is gay. I’ve known that ever since he was 10 years old.

While I didn’t have a deep grasp of what “gay” meant, I already had a deep understanding of people who were “beyond” what society expects them to be.

Be masculine, they said. Don’t squeal too loud because you’re a boy, they said. Don’t wear make-up, they said. 

But you know what? I enjoyed watching my best friend do every bit of it while growing up anyway!

By his early teens, my best friend finally came out to me. I saw how beautiful it was to be free! Honestly, I never really knew how it felt to crave that exact same freedom. Not until I found myself in the same shoes as him.

Oh, To Fall In Love With A Woman!

Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I’d fall in love with a woman before.

Just like what I tell everyone I always share my story with, I’ll never forget the ripped jeans and messy bun she was sporting when I first saw her. As a person who graduated from an all-girls school, I knew my gaydar was in tune.

And the rest was history!

In between the freshness of my new-sprung love, there was always that feeling of fear that came to haunt me especially when I found myself heading home.

What would my mom say?

Would she hate me?

Will she think I’m a failure?

And I know for sure that I’m not the only one who gets the coming-out-of-the-closet jitters.

Getting The F Out Of The Closet

The thought of coming out always made me feel like I was going to explode. 

But as always, I trusted that whatever was meant for me would find its way crawling to my path (even if that meant a life-changing moment had to creep in and knock on my closet.)

It told me to get the F out.

On a random Saturday night, I decided to come out to my mom. Heck, my dad died when I was ten. He probably is the first to know I was bisexual. 

I can see you peeing from the heavens, dad.

Surprisingly, my mom took it lightly. Not a slap, not a scream, but quite an entertaining, so what if you’re bisexual?

And there I was, looking my mother in the eye feeling a calm hint of comfort. She didn’t mind… she absolutely did not mind that I liked both men and women.

No religious sermons.

No “get out of the house” statements.

Nothing but pure love, acceptance, and a tight warm hug.

The World Is Scary—But Love Isn’t

Hearing stories about parents not accepting their children for their gender identity and/or sexual preferences isn’t new to me. 

While this might seem normal to the younger generations (millennials and gen z), there are still many boomers who prefer traditional values. But don’t get me wrong, I absolutely have nothing against them at all.

Truth be told, this “coming out story” or falling in love with a woman isn’t my epitome of love—it’s my mother’s love.

I know tales of parents wanting to change their kids, but my mother didn’t even give me the slightest hint of doubt on her face. She loves me the same. She even loves the woman I love!

I was scared to show the world who I was. But, my mom made me a little braver. She’s the strength God knew I needed in my life.

So yeah, I’m bisexual. And you (reader), whether you’re straight, gay, transgender, asexual, or even pansexual…

In my mom’s own words, I’m here to tell you this—

So what?

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