When I was younger, I always thought I’d be living the glamorous adult life in a swanky apartment by the age of 23. I’d have a dog, a car, a cool roommate, and the perfect relationship. It would be textbook perfect, like a scene taken right out of a rom-com film with me as the star, presented as an adult with her life well put together.
Independence at 23. That would have been the title.
Apparently, life had other plans for me.
At 23, I barely kept it together. I was juggling classes, internships, studies, and just trying to have fun. It was far from the “well-put” adult version of me I had dreamt up. In fact, I didn’t get my first dose of independence until I was 27, standing in the new apartment I was renting, wondering how in the hell gas tank regulators worked and how I could safely change it.
In 2019, at the age of 27, I made the big decision to move out. I left the comforts of home to be closer to work. That meant swapping home-cooked meals, free laundry services, no rent and electricity bills for weekly budget plans, learning how to properly clean, financial problems, and a whole bunch of bills. Add in a landlord who’d wake you up at 5:00 a.m. to demand your rent, and independence wasn’t looking so rosy.
I really had no idea how challenging it was to be on your own until I was on my own. It made me realize how damn easy I had it growing up and how grateful I should be.
Today, people ask me why I don’t just move back home and have it easy. Even my mom and dad have been coaxing me to come home, too, enticing me with the idea of an easier life and less financial burden. As tempting as it is, I’ve firmly and politely declined every time. I love my family to bits and pieces, but you see, living independently isn’t about pride; it’s about growth.
Because when you’re on your own, starting on a new path that’s truly yours, you realize who you are and what you’re capable of. You get to know yourself better, and you learn how to adjust, find solutions, deal with problems, and fix them.
You discover that yes, you’re lazy on Sundays but that if you push yourself, you can really clean your place in under an hour. You discover that hey, cooking isn’t half as hard as people make it out to be. You discover that you can be exhausted emotionally and physically to the point of crying, but that in 30 minutes, you can pull yourself together to push onwards.
Living independently teaches you that your family is gold and precious, but that you are also your own person and that you glow just as brightly.
Now, I’m not saying everyone should pack up and move out ASAP. If it makes sense to stay or fate isn’t forcing you out, then there is nothing wrong with staying. But when you do decide to traverse the path of independent living, don’t be afraid.
Take it for everything: hardships, challenges, discomfort, peace, quiet, self-actualization, growth.
All of it.
Because at the end of the day, you’ll be okay. And when tomorrow comes, you’ll be better than who you were yesterday.
Embrace it. Enjoy it. You will be okay.