I was raised in a conventional and traditional household.

That meant wearing oversized shirts, jeans, and a pair of white shoes all the time.

The lack of fashion exploration indeed made me very conscious of my body – its apparent lack of curves, what people might say, and overall not being comfortable in my own skin.

Did I mention the societal expectations on what girls should look like? Now that I’m in my 20s, I am slowly unlearning all the prejudice and bias I had against myself.

As I look at myself, here are parts of me that I loathed for quite some time.

Side Profile

I always knew my bone structure and my cheeks did not go together. The almost undefined jawline, acne scars (which, thankfully, looks like contour from afar) were reasons why I rarely take pictures of myself. 

Boobs

Puberty was not the best time for me, and I used oversized shirts and slouched as much as I can to cover the fact that my body was going through change.

Maybe the fear of being sexualized as a young person was too much of a threat for me back then.  

Arms

This is another reason shirts were my go-to clothing item. They hide my chunky arms and the bigger the shirt, the more it gave the illusion that I had arms fit for a lady.

Don’t worry; I wear sleeveless tops unapologetically these days. It also helped that I got my arm tattooed, so I have even more reason to show off my arms more often!

Curves

Honestly, I’m not sure if this should even be on the list. I don’t have any.

In fact, I have a body of a tin soldier and I’ve lost track of how many times I wished I were a boy instead because I didn’t really know how to dress for my body type (which I now know is called an Inverted Triangle).

The moment I started to dress accordingly boosted my confidence and got me stacking up my closet with my mother’s slacks from the 90s and pastel-colored blouses from a mentor that I look up to. 

Birthmark

One of the first times I wore a bikini was in an intimate get-together with my girlfriends right after college. It took me a while because I have an enormous birthmark that starts from my inner thigh that travels all the way to the back of my knees.

I still cringe at the thought of younger me buying multiple products that did nothing but irritate my skin. In the words of iconic Heart Evangelista, “I’m never gonna do that again.”

It took me a while to learn that some things don’t need to be labeled in order for them to be loved. As for my body insecurities, I refuse to call them ugly. Instead, I accept some things and for those I can’t, I call it a current work in progress—I’m getting treatments for my acne, eliminating dairy, and doing what I can do best.

That, to me, is enough to tell my body it is cared for. 

When I look at old photos, all I could think of is how I actually looked alright. It’s funny how I spent so much time convincing myself otherwise. These days, I think of my flaws and acknowledge the things I want to do, but this time without judgment because as I point out my imperfections, I also point out the things I like about me and god, I’m fucking awesome. 

So the next time you point out your flaws.

Well, just point it out… but don’t stay there.