“Don’t wear sleeveless shirts, they make your arms look bigger.”
“Why are you wearing that fitted top? It makes you look like a budbud.”
“Crop tops are for women with flat tummies.”
“Your legs are too huge. You should wear shorts when you’re thinner.”
“Don’t tie your hair up, it’s going to make your face rounder.”
These are just examples of things I was told growing up. Of course, being younger, I didn’t know any better. So I just followed all that was said to me even though this had a negative effect on my self-esteem. For years, I would wear baggy t-shirts and my school jogging pants. My reason? They were comfy — that’s what I said to myself.
But there was actually another reason behind it. I hid behind baggy clothes because they protected me. They would hide my love handles and my curves, and if I did that then I wouldn’t be scrutinized by family or strangers for my size.
For the longest time I would envy girls who wore cute blouses and skirts. I couldn’t find these in the plus section where I shopped. As a plus-sized teenager in the mid 2000s, I didn’t have options like Forever21 Plus or the Shein app where I could just buy beautiful trendy clothes in my size. That didn’t change for a very long time. There were a few nice plus-sized clothes and I would buy some every chance I would get. But I would still hide my arms, legs, and the rest of my body.
It wasn’t until the body positivity movement in the mid 2010s that I started to question all the negative ideas ingrained in me and the relationship between clothes and my body.
“How to have a bikini body? Get a bikini and put it on your body.”
“Fat girls can wear crop tops.”
“Your weight does not define your worth.”
“Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.”
“Beauty is being comfortable in your own skin.”
This was something new to me because my generation was constantly fed with the idea that confidence can often be mistaken for arrogance. We were taught that knowing and acknowledging the beauty within ourselves would make us conceited and unlikeable.
It took a lot of unlearning to realize that. So little by little, I worked on being confident. But working on yourself isn’t an overnight thing though. Learning to love yourself takes years and a whole lot of faking it ‘til you make it.
I learned to do my makeup, do my own hair. I changed my wardrobe. But, there were still parts of me I was learning to love. It wasn’t a Cinderella and fairy godmother moment where I instantly thought I was beautiful by donning a ball gown and some glass slippers.
Loving myself entailed work. Stripping down in front of a mirror and looking at my own body and telling myself I’m alright. Looking at my stretch marks and saying that they’re normal and that my body is constantly growing. It was hard work and there were days that were better than others. But some days were just really difficult. I didn’t give up though.
It wasn’t until I was 27 that I had an epiphany. That was the first time I wore a sleeveless top in public as an adult. Before that, I refused to wear clothes without sleeves outside my house. I even started wearing rash guards at a very young age just to hide my arms at the beach.
So when I wore a sleeveless top to work one time, I was hesitant. But when I got there, I realized nobody cared! It was such a relief. Nobody was giving me any strange looks or commenting on my arms. So I started experimenting on my wardrobe. I tried out crop tops and shorter shorts. I would go braless sometimes which I totally recommend for those who haven’t done it yet!
Though I wasn’t exempt from the occasional judging stares, it didn’t bother me as much as it used to. I realized that what they thought about me said more about them than it did about me. I admit, I still get self-conscious at times, but I often snap out of it and realize that I only have one body and this is my home for the rest of my life. So why should I let other people dictate how I feel about myself and what I should wear?
Always keep in mind that people are gonna stare, so make it worth their while.
I must admit that there are times when my confidence takes a hard hit, but I still manage to pick myself back up each time. The road to self-love is often a rocky journey full of potholes and setbacks. But it’s important to remember that healing and learning to love yourself isn’t linear and that you should be patient with yourself.
Here’s a piece of advice if you’re hesitating to wear that crop top out or those short shorts that you’ve always wanted to try… GO AND WEAR THEM! If you haven’t realized it yet, life is too short and uncertain (especially in this pandemic), so make the most out of it and wear what you want!