Four months ago, I pushed through with one of the biggest decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

After a series of internal debates, I finally got a nose job. And while I had the time to manage my expectations of the outcome, experiencing things is still different from knowing them.

In a society where body modification is still stigmatized yet also already being accepted, I’m surprised I didn’t encounter any negative feedback about my decision. After a month of keeping it a secret, I released a vlog announcing it (like I’m some big influential celebrity sending across a powerful message to destigmatize plastic surgery).

I groomed myself ready for the usual remarks: I was ready to be called retokada, and I was ready to deal with people who liked to disagree and make me doubt my decision.

Yet, surprisingly, the most negative (and almost neutral) comment I got was that I didn’t have to get it done. In retrospect, it even sounds like a compliment.

So here are the things I learned:

Deciding you want to change something about yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love yourself enough.

I’d be lying if I said I was never insecure about my appearance. There’s bravery in admitting to being insecure, what with everyone’s expectations to be our best selves and love ourselves by default.

But my worst insecurities don’t come from my appearance, and I didn’t expect to feel perfect about myself after the results. I had insecurities, but I loved myself enough to let my change of appearance be the sole basis for self-love and acceptance.

But if anything, it helped me love myself better. I knew how it potentially could change the way I look at myself in the mirror, regardless of external judgment, and I believed it would present more opportunities. And so it did.

More on g.spot PH:

The healing wonders of the human body.

I was guaranteed that my incision would completely heal in six months to a year after my surgery.

Two weeks after my operation, I was in awe seeing that the opening between my nostrils had already fully closed. It’s still blushing red, but it heals like magic, nowhere close to the mark of a kid’s skinned knee. If you want to take a look, my Instagram @clareinso is always public.

I just can’t help but be amazed by how our cells repair and reproduce to cover openings. We’re designed to heal, and that’s divine.

Tolerating pain is bravery.

If it wasn’t for the additional cost, I would’ve chosen to be sedated with general anesthesia.

That would mean I’d be asleep feeling nothing on my whole body during the whole procedure. But I went for local anesthesia (yes, needles on my nose), and I guess that part defined my bravery.

When my friends who already experienced it told me to be strong, I expected the worst kind of pain. It hurt, but when the anesthesia kicked in, I only heard but did not feel the stitching motions. The small talk with my doctor also gave me comfort. Another science wonder.

I don’t regret getting local anesthesia as I got to see how I look right after the operation and was given the discretion if I wanted alar trimming (cutting the sides to make it look thinner) after it was implanted.

Now that I think about it, it’s not so bad. I get to experience the pain for a few seconds, but I get to enjoy this for a lifetime.

Standards have evolved over the years

On my pre-surgery assessments with my doctor, I learned that standards in medical aesthetics have evolved.

Aesthetic surgeons now use a new shape of gore-tex, and in some cases, they even modify the material to suit the patient’s face shape or desired result. The development of modern medicine is interesting and I enjoy the idea that I’m participating in it!

It’s not “fake” when it becomes a part of you.

What I find interesting about the implant that’s now beneath my skin, is that a gore-tex implant is actually porous — it has tiny spaces and holes where my flesh could grow through, providing better stability. As it integrates with tissues, it becomes more a part of my body over time.

Owning my body: The meaning of bodily autonomy.

I asked for everyone’s opinion before scheduling my operation — my mom, all my elder siblings, my partner, my best friend, and everyone whose opinions mattered to me.

It took a lot of convincing for my mom to give it a go. While I know that I have full ownership of my body, I wanted a pleasant experience, especially knowing that I need proper care. After long conversations and careful, I got my mom’s approval and support, and I was treated like a princess in the first week.

I feel more at peace that I don’t have to hide anything about my nose job, and I respect people who decide to keep it to themselves. After all, my story is the only one I’m entitled to tell.

If this, in one way or another, made you want to explore possibilities, make sure to consult an experienced doctor that you can trust. And think about it for as long as you want. Your body, your choice.

^{Featured Image Credits: Alpha Advanced Aesthetics}