Hoe Responsibly: All You Need to Know Before, During, and After Hooking Up

Hoe Responsibly: All You Need to Know Before, During, and After Hooking Up

With hookup culture being the talk of the town, here are some things for you to keep in mind before jumping into bed with a stranger.

Whether you’ve had no boyfriend since birth or you just got out of a long-term relationship, the reasons why you want to try hooking up are your prerogative. We don’t judge here! So we’re definitely rooting for you, girl. Get in touch with your wild side. But always remember to hoe responsibly! 

Before you run to your Tinder match’s condo or the nearest Queensland motel to — as we Millennials say — get jiggy with it, here are some useful tips to remember to keep your hookup safe and fun. 

What to do before your hookup…

  1. Find out if they are real or you’re being catfished. There can be the slightest possibility that the person you’ve met online is catfishing you. Make sure their profile is verified. Pictures aren’t enough. If you can persuade that stranger to a video call, then even better.
  2. Have some sort of self-defense. I’m not saying you should have a black belt before your first hook-up — though that might really come in handy. But I advise you to invest in a self-defense kit. It could include pepper spray, a taser, or even just some sharp stabby items on a keychain. These things can be helpful if you find yourself in danger. Better safe than dead in someone’s trunk.
  3. Tell a close confidant where you are going. During my hoe phase, I would have that one non-judgmental friend who I would tell where I am going. I send her a picture of the person I’m meeting, their name, and their number.  In case I go missing, they know who to look for and where my last known location was. 
  4. Bring protection. I can’t emphasize this enough but make sure to hoe responsibly. If a guy says he didn’t bring protection, then pull out the condoms that you brought with you. For women who love women, there are also dental dams you can use for oral sex. You don’t know where that dick or pussy’s been. And you certainly don’t want to bring some souvenirs (STDs or STIs) home. 
  5. Condition yourself not to get attached. Girl, this is a hookup. Don’t give me any shit about developing feelings. Not here. If you’re looking for a romantic relationship, be clear about your intentions. Tell them before you meet that this is only for fun and you do not intend to pursue a relationship. This way nobody gets hurt — and by nobody I mean you

During your hookup…

  1. Meet them in public first. No, don’t meet them at their condo. No, don’t go to a location you aren’t familiar with. Meet at a Starbucks or at a Watson’s — somewhere with a CCTV. Yes, I’ve watched enough true crime to be this paranoid. 
  2. ALWAYS practice safe sex. If they don’t agree to wear a condom, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You’ll either end up with a baby or an STD. And frankly, you really don’t want either from a one-night stand who could block you after one hook-up. 
  3. Talk about what’s comfortable for you to do. Boundaries are important in hookups. Consent is crucial for everyone to feel safe. If you’re not okay giving or receiving head, tell them ahead. If you want to take it up the backdoor, good for you. But just let them know so you both know your limits. 
  4. Have a safe word. If something doesn’t feel right, stop. Saying you are uncomfortable is actually easier to say than to do. But a respectful and decent person will stop what they are doing when you don’t like it anymore. It doesn’t matter if it’s right before or in the middle of having sex, you always have the option to say stop. Having a safe word will allow you to tell them you feel uncomfortable without having to say much. 
  5. Make sure you both check the condom for leaks. If it doesn’t, then great. If it does, oh boy, then you’ll have to read another article ‘coz that’s a whole different story.

After your hookup…

  1. Make sure you message your confidant. Do not make the mistake of not messaging your trusted friend who you told about your hookup. Let them know that you are safe. Otherwise, they might inform your family or the police that you are missing. After you tell them you’re safe, you can then proceed with dishing out all the dirty chika
  2. Have yourself tested for HIV. I’m not saying to go and run off on the same day after you have sex. What I mean is…whether it’s your first hookup or your 20th, get yourself tested regularly. Depending on how sexually active you are, you can test as often as every six weeks. It’s important to get tested at least once a year. 
  3. Visit your gynecologist. If you feel something off, feel any pain, or see or smell any unusual discharge, see your gynecologist.  Even if you don’t feel or see anything unusual, it’s recommended to see your gynecologist regularly especially if you’re sexually active. 

So hooking up isn’t just a matter of swiping right and sleeping with the person you match with on a dating app. We all want to have fun during our hoe phase. But again hoe-ing responsibly means that you have to put your health and safety first. Now that you know what to do, it’s time to sign up on those dating apps!