I’m Still a Virgin at the Age of 30

I’m Still a Virgin at the Age of 30

Fria writes about the mixed feelings about being a virgin at the age of 30 in a world where casual dating has slowly become the norm.

Hey, I’m Fria. Your typical modern-day Filipina… And yes, I’m a 30-year-old virgin.

You might ask, is this a story worth sharing? I’m honestly not sure, but I do have a question after going through numerous moments of overthinking in the past year—is being a virgin at this age affecting my chances of dating? I still haven’t found the answer because like all things, people have different takes on this matter.

You see, I grew up in a very conservative and traditional Catholic family. My parents were each others’ first loves, and a few of my siblings and cousins have (luckily) found love in their very first relationships. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I was hoping for the same luck to find me. Through the years, I continued to believe that reserving my virginity for “The One” would be worth it.

When I had my first relationship at the age of 16, we abstained from sex because we were still too young and afraid of possible pregnancy scares. As I reached my early 20s, my busy schedule got in the way of putting myself out there to explore. Midway 20s, despite meeting more friends who were sexually active, I still refused to engage in sexual activities for various reasons—my tendency to be easily attached to anyone, my fear of future comparison between past sexual partners with my future husband, and fear.

During these years, staying a virgin among friends who slowly lost theirs never really bothered me because I used to think the non-virgin ones were the outliers, and my desire for an honest long-term relationship has always been the priority over finally experiencing the joys of sex. 

However, one time, I chanced upon a potential partner who was very sexually active. After finding out I was still a virgin at this age, he was perplexed and confused—how can someone refrain from exploring sex at my age which to him, was “one of the most exhilarating experiences in life”? I dismissed him as simply being the usual sex addict trying to prey on any available woman, but I’m not gonna lie, his sarcasm bothered me a bit.

My stand on pre-marital sex bothered me even more after having a major crush on a guy who I later found out, was in his fuckboy era. After feeling another round of frustration from this unrequited crush, a bitter truth was revealed to me—casual relationships are getting more common, and I possibly might now be part of a minority. Almost everyone around me has lost their virginity either because they’ve already married, have been in long-term relationships, or have opened their arms to casual dating. Have I suddenly become the outlier?

This bothered me a lot for months which made me revisit all my beliefs. I’ve taken multiple long walks, engaged in debates with friends, and even wrote (a lot) to find a conclusion.  It even reached the point when I asked friends to find me any available guy they trust just so I can finally pop my cherry. Thank God I got over that phase because that sounded like a long road to regret.

I guess this is that point in my life when I start to experience the inevitability of comparison with people my age. While everyone was feeling pressured about marriage, their career, or their financial stability, here I was, still wondering why I was still a virgin at this age. But, have I really been missing out on something my whole life? I slowly acknowledged why I have ended up this way; and how I was, indeed, heavily influenced by my Catholic and conservative upbringing. But on the other hand, is there something wrong with that? 

So, does it really matter if I’m still a virgin at this age? Perhaps there is no definite answer because we all have different takes on life, the same way we have different timelines.

At this point, I have learned to just let everything go, to avoid feeling the weight of becoming the outlier (because there really isn’t), and to just go with the flow. What has changed is the fact that I have recognized my prejudices from the past, and now, I open my arms to the possibilities of sex. So let’s go, 30s.