This trend has been making its rounds all over the internet since 2018 and I’ve written an article about it before. So when I looked at that same article now, I still feel the same way about micro-cheating and I still think it’s a stupid trend.
I don’t believe in the term micro-cheating because some of these things tagged as micro-cheating are actually just normal day-to-day interactions with people outside of your relationship.
For anyone who thinks micro-cheating is real and it happens, hear me out for a second before you cancel me for allegedly defending cheaters: I don’t condone cheating. I am (thankfully) in a loving relationship with a committed partner and we both have no respect for those who cheat on their partners. So before I get into all of this, we must first define what micro-cheating is.
What is micro-cheating?
According to Huffington Post Australia, micro-cheating is defined as a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is “emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.” Examples of this could be talking to someone else or joking with someone else aside from your partner, reacting to social media posts or liking photos on Instagram, reaching out to a friend for advice instead of asking your partner.
But ask yourself this: If you were in a relationship and you wanted to talk to your friends, wouldn’t that fall under micro-cheating if we were using the definition and examples above? There is a distinction between everyday interactions with people outside of the relationship versus cheating.
So how do we determine when someone is actually cheating or if these are just harmless interactions with people outside your relationship?
Boundaries. You have to set your boundaries and agree on what you both aren’t comfortable with. This can be hard to talk about but once it’s out of the way, you both know where the line is drawn and you both know what actions to take to avoid crossing it.
Some of the questions you can ask below are ways to find out what your boundaries are:
- Is it okay to like other women’s or men’s photos?
- Is watching pornography cool with you?
- What counts as flirting?
- Is it okay to share memes with coworkers or friends?
- Can I hang out with people of the opposite sex alone?
There can be more questions you can ask your partner about what they’re comfortable with or not. And if you don’t agree on something, you can either compromise or just agree to see other people. This way, if you don’t agree on the same boundaries, then it saves you from spending all that time being hurt by someone who actually doesn’t respect yours.
There are people who think that liking other women’s or men’s posts is actually quite harmless. There are others who are not okay with this and will consider it as micro-cheating. There are others that think flirting with other people is okay while they are in a relationship. But there are also people who really think that is a no-no.
Personally, I think that the term micro-cheating is bullshit. Most interactions that are tagged under micro-cheating are actually just harmless day-to-day platonic and aromantic actions that people do because they are human.
Thinking that micro-cheating is valid can have you policing your partner’s actions which can lead to relationship insecurity. It’s the reason why guys ask their girlfriends why they’re talking to friends of the opposite sex. It plants a seed of doubt into a girls’ mind when they see a pretty female coworker add their SO on Facebook. It can have you looking through your partner’s phone checking which photos they’ve liked or see who they are talking to.
That, for me, is very exhausting. Instead of trusting your partner not to do that, you end up controlling what they can or can not do. If you’re not okay with what they’re doing and if you can’t trust them, then break up with them, sis! Don’t waste your time. Besides, a person who truly cares for you and respects you and your boundaries will always try their best to not let you doubt.
So before you accuse your partner of micro-cheating, maybe you have to look within yourself first. Maybe you’re just projecting your own insecurities on your partner or maybe you just haven’t set your boundaries yet.
Love isn’t possessive, obsessive, or controlling behavior which is what micro-cheating really is. A healthy relationship requires treating each other with mutual trust and respect and it’s up to the couple to nurture these values in a relationship.