Solo Sex and How to Do It Right

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This is the only party for one you’ll love to celebrate every night. Give yourself the Big O you deserve with these 8 tips for self-pleasure.

Flicking the bean, dialing the rotary phone, petting the kitty — you can call it what you want, but are you doing it the right way?

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of really. A lot of women who’ve reached adulthood still don’t know what to do down there and you can’t blame them. For guys, it’s as easy as touching their peen and enjoying it. But for us, it’s a whole different situation that might take more than just a day to figure out. Like all other skills, this takes practice. So we’ve come up with a short guide that will have you flying solo like a pro. 

Befriend your clitoris

If you don’t know what that is, then girl it’s about time you did. Go get a mirror and explore yourself down south and feel for that bump just above your urethra. That little pleasure button is responsible for around 50 to 75% of orgasms when directly stimulated; believe it or not, a lot of women can’t get off with just vaginal penetration alone. So if you haven’t had the big O from having sex, it might be because you’ve been ignoring your clit. Start off with some playful touching and get a feel for what you like. 

Lube it up

Natural lubrication can vary depending on a woman’s hormonal levels and other environmental factors such as stress and medicines (like contraception). So using some lube can go a long way. Just squeeze a quarter-sized amount on your fingers and gently massage it around your clit and along your inner labia. With lubrication, just remember that it’s better when it’s wetter. 

Change up your position

If you’d love some girl-on-top action, it’s not impossible even without a partner. Just drape a towel or blanket on a stuffed chair or couch arm. You can start with small hip movements while slowly building momentum. This position gives you a solid and steady pressure on your clit that, when done correctly, can drive you wild. You can experiment with lying on your side or belly down just to hit different erogenous zones.

Give toys a test run

Using your fingers in the beginning is a good way to get to know your body. But you’ll have a better success rate when you’re using a toy. There are so many different types you can get. For beginners, it’s best to invest in a durable (preferably waterproof) vibrator with several speeds – this way you can choose to take it slow and gradually work it up. One fun trick is to set your vibrator to the highest setting and then just lightly touching the surface of your clit. You’ll feel the tingles all the way from your spine down to your toes. 

Try different digits and different strokes

Rub your clit with one finger, then two, then maybe three. Don’t just stick to circular motions or jackhammering your clit. Vary the stimulation by using diagonal strokes, tapping, rubbing up and down until you can find out what you’re comfortable with.

Find out what arouses you the most

Try recalling steamy sexy times from your past or reading erotica. You can look through arousing images or watch videos. Some women get off to audio too! 

Take all the time you need

Don’t masturbate like it’s something you have to check on your to-do list. Solo sex shouldn’t be rushed. So you can start off with a nice warm bath or dim your lights and put on a scented candle to get you in the mood. Remember it’s supposed to let you relax, not stress you out. 

Have fun!

If you’re not enjoying it, then just keep practicing until you know what you like the most. Buy more toys, find more erotic materials, and keep experimenting. Don’t expect to reach orgasm right away and don’t be disappointed when it doesn’t happen. If one thing doesn’t work out for you, move on and don’t be afraid to explore. 

Looking for some intimate advice? Ask us by shooting an e-mail to with the subject title “Dear Tita Eff”.

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