Dating is more complicated, frustrating, and downright rude. I long for the Bridgerton era where would-be couples would promenade at the parks while they burn for each other. These days, millennials will just swipe left, swipe right, then get into toxic relationships. Princes and dukes still exist, live in a $10M mansion, get interviewed by Oprah, and listen to them whine about being poor. 

But I digress. Erin, a close friend of mine, decided to try dating for a year as a social experiment. She thinks that she’s been single for so long and wanted to try to get back to the dating jungle. We would meet up on weekends to keep me posted on her dating adventures. She changes guys almost every other week that I can no longer keep track of from one silly nickname to another. 

As her wingwoman and living diary, I have her full blessing to share with you her hilariously horrible dating stories. I am living my dating life vicariously through her. One of the memorable dating stories she shared was this hotshot lawyer based in Manila.

THE RUNAWAY LAWYER

Name: The Runaway Lawyer
Age: 33
Location: Sta. Ana, Manila
Status: Single, fresh from a break-up

Meet Cute

This guy is the first guy Erin was really interested in after her bad break-up. Erin met him at the airport and the flight was delayed. He was sitting beside her at the waiting lounge and asked her if he can borrow her power bank since he has a very important phone call to make. So that’s how they met. 

He was smart, funny, and hardworking. Translation: lawyers are extremely busy people. Law is a jealous mistress. 

I don’t know what Erin sees in him but he is not that cute. He is tall, moreno, and wears geeky-looking eyeglasses that remind me of Ninoy Aquino. The glasses, not the person. The only photo that Erin showed me aside from his Tinder profile was the one on their law firm’s website.

Taking Chances

Erin would gush at their witty messages until the unholy hours in the morning. Yes, my friend is a goner. She is sapiosexual and she virtually fell for Mr. Runaway Lawyer. What she liked about him were his honesty and brains. 

Trivia: Erin doesn’t usually reveal where she works and all but apparently, Mr. Runaway Lawyer is a good stalker just like her. He confessed it’s an occupational hazard as he usually does a background check before meeting a client. In just five minutes, he found out where she works.

Erin is a Business Development Manager of a local brand. Naturally, she was often quoted in their company’s press release statements complete with her photo. In retaliation, she Googled him and found out that he is a rising hotshot in his law firm. 

Runaway Lawyer handles client corporate deals, transactions involving labor issues, taxation energy, acquisitions, equity issuances, and corporate governance. He also does general corporate law practice and corporate housekeeping. How did she find out about him? She found a website with his photo plus a brief background detailing his achievements. And of course, he was on LinkedIn, too.

He’s a traveler and would often go out of town every once in a while to escape. It took Erin a while to understand that he is an escapist. He runs away from his personal problems instead of facing them.

Coward.

DTR

Long story short, he ghosted on her after five months. If this is employment, he was not regularized in the love department. The last time Erin talked to him, he was somewhere on a beach in La Union. He was trying to escape from someone, who I assume, was his ex.

Erin really thought that they could do a label-less long-distance relationship but it didn’t happen. She thinks Runaway Lawyer saw her Tweet about him. Erin found a flaw in Runaway Lawyer. He may be smart, a good conversationalist, and a hotshot lawyer but he doesn’t know the difference between “taught” and “thought”. He kept interchanging it. 

Erin tried correcting him politely but it fell on deaf ears. Like a pedantic fool that she is, Erin Tweeted about it out of frustration. The Runaway Lawyer probably kept stalking her and saw the Tweet and ghosted her. That’s my theory, anyway.

Erin tried to save their “relationship” with Runaway Lawyer. Before she lost her courage, I helped Erin pack a care package and bubble-wrapped the following:

• Carcar’s Chicharon 
• Mandaue’s masareal
• And a sweet note with a list of Top 10 Reasons to Visit Cebu 

It was a bit aggressive for a modern dalagang Pilipina like Erin, but you know, carpe diem! So, did Erin hear from Mr. Runaway Lawyer again? She did! After nine days, she knew that he received the package. Yes, she was counting the days, time, and minutes Runaway Lawyer replied. 

Props for effort, Erin. He did thank her but I know at the back of his mind, he may find it creepy. He probably freaked out when I helped Erin trace his work address (Hey! It’s not my fault, he gave Erin his company name and website). 

Letting Go

Erin and the Runaway Lawyer Ship did not sail and sank in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It did not end well for both of them and I can’t blame him. He is probably a traditional guy and prefers to make the first move and got turned off when a woman made her first move. 

Overall, Runaway Lawyer was a decent, workaholic guy who stalks everyone before (and during) meeting them, runs in his free time, and runs away from his problems. He will remain a ghost. And will continue to be one of the ghosts of Erin’s boylets past.

Fast forward to today, I looked him up online, I saw that he changed his profile photo and relationship status from single to engaged, and is now a Junior Partner at his law firm.

Moral Lesson

I told Erin to never send care packages to strangers again. They will freak out big time. And no Tweeting about wrong spelling or grammar. Major turn-off. 

Grammar Nazis and pedantic individuals must be cautious. This also covers mispronounced words.

* Names have been changed for privacy