Denial

He’s just not ready for a relationship.

I can wait and while I do that, I can shower him with love and affection in full blast. Unconditional love is not expecting anything in return. I will be all out and give him all the love he deserves. Maybe he’s scared to love because of a failed relationship in the past. Maybe he’s scared of committing because of fear of abandonment. Maybe not showing emotions is his defense mechanism to protect his heart. There must be something right in these assumptions.

I will just have to be patient. The waiting game begins.

Anger

I have been giving him all that I got lately.

It has been exhausting and I am starting to feel this huge load of pain boiling up inside of me. I feel so unappreciated. He only calls me when it’s convenient for him, while I go out of my way to attend to him when he needs me. How come he doesn’t feel the same way?

Bargaining

I think… I still haven’t done the best I could.

I can try a bit harder, wait a little bit longer, and love a little stronger.

Maybe if I just showed him some more patience and understanding, maybe if I just fully embraced where he’s coming from, maybe If I can just see him from a different light, then, he’ll be able to look at me with love and we can take it from there.

I just have to give more. Just a little bit more.

Depression

I’m hurt.

It is excruciatingly painful that I can feel the heaviness in my chest. I did everything and went over and beyond, but still, nothing. There comes a point in your life where you’ll know that there’s just nothing you can do, and mine ends here.

I don’t how to ease the pain and when this will end but I know in time, I will be okay. For now, I just have to go through this, cry it out, scream if I needed to, and mourn over the thought of “us”. Everything will soon be okay. In time.

Acceptance

I am getting better.

I saw him yesterday at this local cafe; it didn’t hurt that much. He has a new watch. He asked how I was doing while we were lining up at the counter to order our usuals. We sat for a while and had a chat.

I’ve realized that I already moved on. Healing happens. The thought about him no longer pains me. While he was talking to me, I just stared blankly at his face and thought about how much I loved this man dearly before that I gave everything I had just to turn that almost love into real love.

I stood up and said my goodbyes. As I turned my back, I smiled a little and thought to myself, no regrets.

Even if he didn’t love me back, I loved him with every inch of my being and that is brave.

Now I am walking away with my head held high thinking, if I can love the wrong person wholeheartedly, the right one will be very lucky.

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